WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!!!

Talk about this life being full of experiences. I love it when I get this age (old!!!!) and I still can experience things that I never have before. Some are funny and some are not so funny! When I recognize it as being a "first" in my life, I take a mental note of it and then shout out "that's a first!." I smile and add it to my inventory of experiences.

There is one new experience I had this year and it took months to complete. Now I had always thought I was a fairly intelligent woman until about April or May of this year (2011). I had been having trouble for years with my knees, ankles, legs in general. I have had chronic pain since 1987 and I have learned to live with it. Did I have to? Probably not, but that is a trait of mine and it is called stubbornness. I shy away from doctors, hospitals, etc. One night I went to bed...felt just great...well for me anyway. The next morning I sat on the edge of my bed and proceeded to get up and start my day. Funny thing is was that I had a hard time getting up. Finally did but the pain was unbearable. It took me a good 15-20 minutes to walk a few feet with my knees popping constantly and the pain was so bad I nearly passed out. What is going on??? This is a new experience...oh boy...another "first". I wanted to vomit because of the pain and again pass out. I am not a wimp. But this was worse than childbirth. It hurt to get up...it hurt to get down. I slept a lot as my bed is where I was 99% free of pain unless I moved wrong.
I had the attitude that I would tough it through and surely in a few days I would get better.... a survival tactic that I had to use many times as a very young child.
I did not get better. I went one week, two weeks, one month, 5 months. I finally gave up. I couldn't dress, shower, do housework, cook, etc. I was in bad shape. Finally I relented. Oh what a foolish woman I am. I just did not want a doctor saying, "if you would lose weight you would not be having problems" or "you are a mess"...as one doctor told me a few years ago when I found myself with Atrial Fibrillation. But after sobbing to two nurses on the phone and being scolded (I deserved it), I finally went in for xrays and the following week MRI. Yep, I am a mess alright. Knees are gone. Right knee is totally shot and the pain was caused by the two main bones in the leg rubbing against each other. The doctor said, "I do not know how you stood the pain for so long." I wanted to say: "it is called stubbornness". I analyzed myself as to why I am that way. It all stems from my childhood...it was a defense. I learned to cope as a young child with many adversities and had to do it myself. To make a long story short, I recently had cortisone injections put into both knees. I AM A NEW WOMAN. I HAVE MY LIFE BACK. Can you believe I did not go any place? I stayed in the house 24/7. I have not set foot in a store for shopping in months. I have not been to church. I have missed out on the grandchildren's birthday parties, ball games, etc. I have a granddaughter who helps me clean...mops and vacuums and also she does my grocery shopping and runs off the Sunday Programs for me. But now I can start working on Christmas gifts...sewing!! I can go to lunch with a daughter or a friend. I can do my Visiting Teaching.
What is the moral of this story??? Well for me it is: Stubbornness is a roadblock. Listen,learn, let go and quit acting like a "mule" or a "jack___" I prayed constantly for months. I cried so many tears of anguish and pain. Was it necessary? NO!! I could have been feeling wonderful back in May instead of October. Have I learned? Yes, I have learned. Why am I sharing a very personal story with you? Because I have a feeling that there is someone else that is struggling and yet is determined to "fix it" themselves. If you need a friend...I am here for you. I truly feel like a new woman. I am so excited to get my life back. Email me if you would like. Together we can make the future so much better. Many hugs and many thanks to my family for their support and their encouragement. A big thanks to daughter in law Tina who was by my side all the way.