LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT

Time for bed...but first my thoughts:

Today has been a day of thinking about a variety of things.

1. Family and where each of them is in their personal lives
2. How I am using my time.
3. Does God love me?
4. Why do I have to hurt?
5. Coping with a loss of independence!

Oh of course I reflected on more things than this...but this is a start.

I then asked myself what really matters right now?

Answer:   FAMILY!!! 

1. Why should I care about each one and what path they are walking in life?
Answer:  Because I love them and I don't want them to make mistakes like I did. Material possessions mean nothing...but my family is my LIFE...MY ALL.

2. How am I using my time?
Answer: Not very well.  I used to be a ball of energy 24/7, but the body started doing weird things and shut me down physically.  BUT IT MADE ME AWARE THAT EVEN THOUGH THE BODY IS SHOT...THE MIND, THE HEART, THE SPIRIT OF ME IS NOT. I am determined to exercise my sense of humor daily...that keeps me from drowning in my physical woes.

3. Does God love me?

Answer:  Sometimes when I am hurting physically and emotionally I ask this question.  I know the answer immediately.  He loves me more than I can comprehend.  He loves me "warts and all". I look forward to talking with Him several times a day.

4. Why do I have to hurt?
Answer: I had so many plans for this time of my life...but now comes a big trial to see how I react to constant adversity.  Do I cry?  Yes!  Do I want to give up? Yes!  But something always happens and that is the strength of my spirit that says, "Deanna, stop it...think of what you can do."  I feel myself gathering courage, hope, trust, faith and I am determined to keep on keeping on.  Easy?  NO!  But one thing I am learning is that no matter what...I am not a quitter.  How can my children and grandchildren learn if I show I am a complainer, a quitter, a negative person.  My old high school fight song is one I use to keep me going:  "On Deanna, On Deanna, fight right down the field.  Put yourself right over the line girl you are out to win...rah! rah! rah!  On Deanna, On Deanna, fight on for your fame. You'll win Deanna, fight, fight, fight...you'll win this game."  

5  How do I cope with a loss of independence!
Answer: It is not fun to have to rely on others for my grocery shopping, going to the doctor, cleaning, etc.  But one thing I am seeing is that those who are helping me are getting to express their love, their care, their concerns and I see them feeding themselves with the "fruits" of their good works. I know it is important for me to accept their desire to help.  I must be gracious and thankful.

I guess what it all comes down to my friends and family is this:  No matter what our situation in life is we need to remember that God is ever mindful of us.  He sends His angels to be with us, instills in our loved ones that we are an eternal family. 

We should never ask, "WHY ME?"

But instead we should say, "WHY NOT ME?".  This is a time for me to grow, to learn, to appreciate all the little things of life: a sunrise, a sunset, a family gathering, a hug, a sweet note, a new flower, a fluffy cloud, the sound of rain, the laughter of a child, a newborn baby, etc.  Even TIME itself is valuable...I must do, I must learn, I must reach out all I can...even with little things...and help someone else through their difficult times; praise them for their abilities; cheer them on.........keep on keeping on with the little things of life that are so important.

Love to all of you.  Thank you for letting me "vent" my feelings.  There are valleys and peaks to all of our lives...but to stay down in the valley is not God's plan...we must continue to climb and reach for the peak and strive and grow and WIN..WIN...WIN!!